I tend to find if you run with “All Players” it is most often a flying circus (some are even doing aerobatics above big airports). But if you run with “Live Players” only most are showing up some respect to ATC and others.
As for VATSIM, it shouldn’t be one or the other, like in have fun or fly by the rules. I personally like having fun with the simulator yet respecting ‘guidance’ from ATC especially in regard to taking off and landing runway directions, which is essential when playing online with others to keep things flowing.
I concur with the OP, there should be a ‘free for all’ lobby and a ‘ATC lobby’ however, the Live Players lobby is already close to this in my opinion.