With your system, you should be getting performance at or better than what I’m getting with my 3080 Ti. The fact that you can’t use the link cable with your system is a big red flag. Air Link can be used to some degree of success, but you are going to have to have a very very fast connection to match what you’ll get over the link cable.
Some questions -
Are you using the official link cable or just a generic USB3 cable? Maybe it’s snake-oil, but I have the official link cable and I have heard from several other seasoned VR users that this cable is worth the money somehow. I bought it and have had zero issues.
What do you see when you go into device manager? Any exclamation marks next to any of the USB devices when you have the link cable plugged in? If so, right click, disable the device, then re-enable it. I have had this happen a few times and it that’s the only way to clear it.