I think the difficulty comes from a stigma where most of 3rd party developers support tickets on this matter (Flight Models) start with “I am a real world pilot”, without stating what type they flight or what is their level of experience they have with similar aircraft and even worse explaining what they were trying to do when the fault or problem happened.
Let me give you an example, when Sting S4 was released it was tested all internally by real world pilots of the Sting S4, the product was also sent to the aircraft engineer that create the airplane IRL and performed the wind tunnels tests, which in turn confirmed the behaviour in MSFS was accurate. The pilots also validated the flight model was accurate to what they experienced IRL, this is a process I do for all my products when it reaches the final stages.
Despite of this, there were initially some heavy criticism because the aircraft felt slippery and very light (well it is an ultralight funny enough) and this shouldn’t be the case in the view of some, despite the fact that 5 pilots that own this aircraft nagged me several times during the developing process to please leave the slippery behaviour as this is how it should be IRL. I still have the real world videos showing all the flight data they sent as an example.
There were also some youtubers on day one claiming the flight model was faulty because you could not STALL a wing and go to a spin, a behaviour that is also very particular of this aircraft because of it aerodynamics characteristics and IRL pilots insisted in me replicating this behaviour. There was another that complained the product was unflyable when it tried to land with a 30kts xwind factor when the real aircraft max xwing factor is around 9kts max…
3 weeks after release I received the dreaded “I am a real world pilot email”, this particular person criticised everything about the FM, I am a very open minded developer and accordingly instead of rejecting his allegations, I invited this person to discuss with our real world test pilots his findings, it turned out this person was a pilot of helicopters… I am not going to say how that ended but you can tell why these types of emails is starting to get a bit tiresome for some 3rd party devs.
You are correct collaboration between everyone is KEY to get as closer as possible to behaviours from real life into the simulator, this is a process that we follow inside FSReborn during many weeks, sometimes months, where real world pilots of the type test the product flying characteristics alongside with normal simulators users, and we find a balance between both type of users to bring the best customer experience possible for everyone.
There are many variables that will affect how a product will perform inside MSFS, not only pilot skills, but hardware sensitivity, hardware calibration, hardware reactivity, flight model accuracy, MSFS realism settings, MSFS live weather situation, etc, etc, etc. Tweaking a FM is an art of balancing all correctly so not only the product replicates real life behaviours but also allows users to instinctively follow the aerodynamic forces into action to fly it properly.
Since collaboration is key between all of us for the best outcome possible for the community, a better approach when seeking help from developing teams would be: “I am experiencing X when doing Y and I would expect to feel Z, is my expectation correct?” this opens the channel of communications much better, and if you are communicating with a good developing team I can warranty you will receive a much better support and experience rather than starting your email with “I am a real world pilot…”, with the first statement the ball is now in the dev team court to ask more information, such as, ok how, when, what weather, what hardware you have, can we replicate? is always better to make a dev team realise there is an issue by making it drive to its own conclusions.
Just my two cents, all the best
Raul